It told of how sorry you need to be for them, you MUST force down the corners of your mouth in pity and assure them 'Well it's only for one day' and shake your head behind their backs, these Billy No Mates, what Freddy Few Friends they must be!
When people ask me what I'm doing for Christmas, I tell them the truth - I'm spending it at home with The Awd Feller. Those with big families who enjoy a busy festive period pretend they're envious, with strained mouths come out with 'Oh, lucky you. I've got to make the dinner. God, I wish I could have a bit of peace and quiet'.
Songs For Me Nan...this feller's a Billy No Mates, not us flying solo (or duo) this festive period
Lying gets. I know 'oh the poor things' is going through their minds, as the horrified micro expressions flicker on and off.
But they shouldn't bother with all this feeling sorry for us business. The truth is, firstly, we actually have a roast dinner - can you believe it, you don't need about ten people in the house to do make and eat food. I know! It's mad, eh?
Secondly, we actually - shock, horror - enjoy being on our own. Don't get me wrong, it'd be nice to have a close family who enjoy good times and laughs, but we don't. My brother is a terrible braggart who tells of the flash holidays he's been on this year and his new car, and as for The Awd Feller's siblings - oh, just don't.
I have friends who are on their bill this Xmas, spending the day quietly and without self pity. So please don't bother feeling sorry for us, because we're fine.
If you're going to have sympathy for others, express it to: victims of domestic violence, people who haven't got anywhere to live and those relying on Food Banks this Christmas. Oh, and Chris Maloney. And his Nan.
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